Your customers couldn’t care less about your new look, your new design or whether your dog has just had kittens.
When you receive an automated marketing email addressing you by your first name, You don’t go weak at the knees: “Oh, the software knows my first name! It knows my name!” Has anyone tested to see whether these so-called personalization techniques are more likely to alienate a customer than impress them?
Anyway, back to the ZaZa marketing email that you not even remember signing up to. “Welcome to the second edition of our new look monthly email.” Two fatal mistakes in the first sentence. “Welcome? Hello? What’s with the welcome? I don’t want your welcome. If I want anything from you it’s your deals, and hot deals at that. When you think of your customer, imagine Tony Soprano. Nothing personal, just business. Cut the crap. Get straight to the point.”
“So ZaZa has got a new look monthly email! Stop the presses!!! Has anyone phoned the media? This is big news. A new look monthly email! Release the press releases! What a story. I can’t wait to tell all my friends.”
“Lads, lads, listen. Have I got news for you.”
“What?”
“You won’t believe it.”
“Come on, tell us.”
“You won’t believe it.”
“Come on, come on.”
“ZaZz has a new look monthly email.”
“You’re not serious!”
“I am.”
“You’re joking.”
“Never been more serious in my life.”
“Nah, you’re joking.”
People just want the website to work. How tough, cruel and uncaring of them!!